If any of you have Gmail , you will know that there's sponsored links that come up near the top of the page with random stuff that somehow pertains to what you were just looking at in your inbox. There's the rare helpful link (none of the Spam recipes that pop up when you empty out the spam folder however....Spam Quiche..how is that remotely appetizing?!) and some fairly interesting quotes that pop up that catch my eye every now and then. I'm not sure what triggered this quote but it struck me as something that I needed to hear (or read for the technical folk out there).

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
- Bill Cosby

It's the second part of the quote that got me the most. Reason being:

My name is Camillia Layne, and I'm a people pleaser.

I've denied this for many years but I suppose admitting is the first step to recovery!

No matter how you slice or dice it, if your key to success is pleasing people, you'll never succeed. I can guarantee that most every decision you make in your life, there'll be someone who won't like it. Some will praise you for your decisions, some will envy you and some will criticize you; it's a part of life that can't be removed.

As for why I haven't learned my lesson yet...I'm not sure. Probably because it's a habit I've had for the majority of my life. Not one of the easiest things to break.

However, for me personally, now is a time to break the habit. Simply because, as stated earlier, no matter what decision I make, it will end up disappointing/angering/annoying someone. Since this is the case, I try to remain as indecisive on decisions as I can (which drives people crazy I'm sure...because it drives me crazy!)

But with serious decisions being thrown at me now (where to live, what school I go to, how I manage my time, etc) I realize that I need to make those decisions for myself, regardless of what it may do to people. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be uncompassionate or ignore what others need from me. But I also don't want the needs of others from me to completely dictate my life.

With all that said, I'll update you a little on what's going on in my life. I've been waiting (rather impatiently) on the college in Toronto to get back to me regarding my admissions for quite a while and they finallly answered back. They accepted me! That brings the emotions of excitement, relief and worry all into one big tangled mess and I get to sort through it. I've decided to accept their offer, which means it's time to move.

This decision makes me sad for a few reasons: I'll be away from Winnipeg and my house of prayer and my church and everything I've ever known for 3 years at the least. It's a brand new city to live in which means basically starting over with a new house, school, church, hopefully a house of prayer and making new friends.

With a chance to start new in those areas, it does mean that I get somewhat of a second chance. I've learned a remarkable amount of things in my short 19 years and this gives me a chance to put them into practice without the shame and guilt of previous mistakes (not sure if that makes much sense).

So with all this newness in mind, I'm going to attempt to start again without the habit of people pleasing. A friend in Grade 10 had written me a note in my yearbook that struck me as profound back then and this post made me think of it again. He said

Camillia, enjoy life and don't live for others approval but for your's and God's alone.


I'm going to seriously try and live that out. It'll be a tough habit to break! They say it takes 21 days to break a habit. If that's true, I should have started to break it a long time ago, and I wouldn't have to put it in writing to understand!

Blessings!