I'm sitting in one of the lounges here at school doing a whole lot of nothing. I was perusing my Facebook page while listening to the Prayer Room and realizing that I hadn't updated my status in over a week. I had nothing witty or profound or exciting to write in it so I was prepared to leave it blank. Then I thought about what I was wanting at that very moment. And so I came up with this

Camillia is ready for a change...and her bed

Having no inspiration certainly sucks! Even for something as small as a Facebook status. However, it was the honest truth and I had no flowery way of putting it. What I meant by change was a shift in life. Slightly ironic, because I just had a huge transition that I hated going through and already I'm wanting to go through that hurt and pain again.

No word of a lie, as soon as I entered the status, Justin Rizzo started singing an oracle (spontaneous prophetic song for those who aren't too sure what I'm talking about). So he starts singing something to the effect of this:

Do you know I have you right where I want you? In the place of total dependence. You're not doing something wrong. How you feel weak, how you feel totally insufficient for Me. Do you know that's right where I want you and I've been trying to get you to this place for a long time?

Later on, in the same oracle, he sang:

You're not missing Me, you're finding Me.

The two sections of the oracle spoke volumes to me and I was trying pretty hard not to break down. The beginning of this season of life has been nothing short of interesting. I've been feeling pretty condemned and inadequate as of lately and in turn I've become fairly complacent. It feels like every little weak attempt at moving towards God has fallen to the ground and I've lost Him.

It's weird though. Because my flesh feels so incredibly numb, yet my spirit is alive. But in past days, I didn't do anything with my lively spirit and only engaged the tired, numb, weak flesh. However, in the same oracle, Justin began singing:

You've been thinking because you don't feel motivated, many times you don't feel the love towards Me, you think it's insincere and not real, but I say it is.

So I determined in my heart that no matter how my flesh felt, I'll say yes, again and again. My heart posture will be a posture of surrender with a response of yes. Through it all I want my heart to be growing in love towards Him.

And as soon as I prayed that little prayer, I could feel my spirit get a little "buzzy". I'm feeling better! My flesh still wants my bed, but regardless, my spirit is alive and in love!

And as I finish writing this, Justin is singing:

God, You became a man. You took on flesh. You're so beautiful.

This is my beloved, and this is my friend!