Dark but...dark...
Song of Solomon 1:5-6 I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me, because I am dark...
I've been in a serious funk over the last little while. I'm sure there's someone out there who can relate to how I've been feeling. I feel like the first three words of those verses are the truth about my state. I am dark...no but...just dark (of heart).
The past couple months have been a time of discovering the depths of my depravity (which I'll never truly know) and how sinful my heart truly is. As most would recognize, it's important to truly grasp those things but not without grasping the other side of the statement. Here is where my issue lies.
I've lost sight that even in our depraved and sinful state, we're lovely to God. Jesus came into the midst of our muck, and into the pit of our destruction and death to grab us and pull us out. HE chose US before the foundations of the world.
So even though I may be surprised when I discover the sin issues I'm still struggling with, it didn't catch Him by surprise. Even though discovering them devestates me, it isn't new information to Him. Never does He say "WOAH! I didn't see that coming! Seems like she's worse than I thought, bad choice!" No. He's searched me and known me (Psalm 139:1). Yet He still chooses me.
All of this is not news to me either; I've heard it before. However, in the midst of disaster, it's so easy to lose sight of that truth. It's like knowing there's a road that leads to freedom in front of you, but a massive patch of fog is in the way and clouding your view of freedom.
I only wish that over the last couple months, I remembered all of this. Instead of running to God, I've been running away from Him, which has paved a large amount of distance between us. I've been feeling the sting of the distance which has brought me back to discovering this truth all over again.
So I guess this is a mix between a rant and a warning. When you start discovering the darkness of your heart, don't do what I did! Don't just emphasize the darkness of your heart. While that's definitely important, if you just emphasize that, you won't discover the delight that God truly has in you.
I'll end with a quick quote from Mike Bickle:
Blessings
I've been in a serious funk over the last little while. I'm sure there's someone out there who can relate to how I've been feeling. I feel like the first three words of those verses are the truth about my state. I am dark...no but...just dark (of heart).
The past couple months have been a time of discovering the depths of my depravity (which I'll never truly know) and how sinful my heart truly is. As most would recognize, it's important to truly grasp those things but not without grasping the other side of the statement. Here is where my issue lies.
I've lost sight that even in our depraved and sinful state, we're lovely to God. Jesus came into the midst of our muck, and into the pit of our destruction and death to grab us and pull us out. HE chose US before the foundations of the world.
So even though I may be surprised when I discover the sin issues I'm still struggling with, it didn't catch Him by surprise. Even though discovering them devestates me, it isn't new information to Him. Never does He say "WOAH! I didn't see that coming! Seems like she's worse than I thought, bad choice!" No. He's searched me and known me (Psalm 139:1). Yet He still chooses me.
All of this is not news to me either; I've heard it before. However, in the midst of disaster, it's so easy to lose sight of that truth. It's like knowing there's a road that leads to freedom in front of you, but a massive patch of fog is in the way and clouding your view of freedom.
I only wish that over the last couple months, I remembered all of this. Instead of running to God, I've been running away from Him, which has paved a large amount of distance between us. I've been feeling the sting of the distance which has brought me back to discovering this truth all over again.
So I guess this is a mix between a rant and a warning. When you start discovering the darkness of your heart, don't do what I did! Don't just emphasize the darkness of your heart. While that's definitely important, if you just emphasize that, you won't discover the delight that God truly has in you.
I'll end with a quick quote from Mike Bickle:
They (people emphasizing the darkness of heart) have a sincere heart but a closed spirit before God. A closed spirit says, “Jesus, I love You but please forgive me and do not reject me. I swear I will never do this sin again.” In other words, they continually negotiate their relationship with God while they worship Him. The issue is one of understanding God’s affections and in what way He imparts beauty to us in the grace of God so that we can say, “I am dark, but lovely. I know I sin but You are ravished over me.” This is a powerful place of confidence. It empowers us to run to God instead of from Him when we stumble. - Mike Bickle
Blessings